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Friday, 19 September 2014

Not another #fitblog

I was always 'big boned'. 

That's me, on the right, at my heaviest

For as long as I can remember I was the 'bigger' friend, the 'big' Robyn and the 'BIG' little sister. "Whale". "Gross". "Fat"... Creative and not, I've heard it all. At 19 I had a 9x18cm cyst removed from one of my ovaries and for the first time I was held accountable for my weight. Eventually my doctor explained that weight and cystic issues go hand in hand and that if I hoped to have a family down the line getting control of my weight would be the first place to start. A flick literally switched. Almost 7 months from the day, I was 35kgs lighter. My journey was not easy, it still is far from it, but once I saw the numbers on the scale dropping I knew I'd never go back. 

As an overweight person, I never felt like I was worth positive attention. In hindsight my weight affected the way I approached everything. I settled for second (and third and fourth and fifth) best because I didn’t think I deserved any better. How could I expect people to respect me when I didn’t respect myself? I put on a front of confidence but I battled to be myself around anyone. I could barely be myself when I was alone. I was moody and short tempered. And although some of that can be attributed to being constantly uncomfortable, hot, angry and judged, most of it came from the way I felt about myself on the inside. 

You can blame being fat on anything. You can blame your parents for not bringing you up right; for teaching you bad habits and letting you over indulge. You can blame traumatic events. You can blame those bloody supermarkets for all the artificial things they load their food with. Go wild. But the most honest thing I can say is that I blamed myself all that time. I felt ashamed. I felt hopeless. I felt like I was a disappointment and the worse that got, the less I wanted to lose weight. That may seem like a contradiction but anyone who has been at that hopeless point of being overweight. 
Me today: fitter, healthier and a whole lot happier

That is why I'm here today. I am stronger than Ive ever been, physically and mentally, and I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life. I love to write and, as you'll read about here, I relied on reading blogs by strong women, such as Andie, throughout my journey so I thought it about time I payed it forward. 

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